Its not Cricket

He’s not the same as us.

Politicians tend not to be. But Andrew inhabits a parallel universe.

Leave aside the desperate weekly need to insert his photo into the local newspapers, leave aside his dedication to appear in front of the young and vulnerable non voters of the constituency, leave aside the three weekly pronouncements from Westminster. He’s still different.

Nothing symbolises la difference more than his abject performance over the Wyndley Cricket Club. Andrew has four filing cabinets in his office. The first one is labelled Andrew and Money. This is subtitled ‘Lazards and other Career Moves’. The second (and largest) is photographs for publication in the Sutton Observer. The third is Portfolios on offer when Cameron finally goes and Davis comes to power. And the fourth is Constituency (Sutton Coldfield).

Wyndley Cricket Club could be found within the fourth cabinet. Sounded from the first that this was a routine ‘Support and be seen to Support local worthies in search for Support’. So when Chair of Cricket Club suggested meeting ostensibly to discuss success of same and invited local cameraman as well, Andrew was happy to adopt trusty Concerned yet Responsible Face and issue appropriate statement endorsing success of Club and encouraging their removal to a new Greenfield site at Peddimore.

When it later turned out that property developers were also hanging around and the price of removal reflected the value of the green from third man to long on, Andrew was fingered by the Party. Andrew felt so exposed he needed to write to the paper.

He doesn’t often write to the paper, doesn’t Andrew, it’s a bit beneath him. Prefers the Olympian heights of ‘Letter from Westminster’. So when letter appears, it alarms the cognoscenti. Did he really write that or did someone in the office do it for him?

Turns out, according to Andrew’s recollection: ‘At no time was development of the Walmley site ever discussed’. Well, that’s a relief then.

Just a minute.

Resolute defender of every good cause he can lay his hands on in Sutton Coldfield goes to local cricket club sitting on absolutely prime value land abut 100 yards from the centre of Walmley; endorses decision to move down the road. But at no time evinces any curiosity as to what might happen to the land.

As Horatio Nelson himself might have said: ‘I see no skips.’

Where does Andrew go from here. Can he plausibly maintain his poker face. Did he really go to the meeting? Did he really compose the letter to the Editor of the Sutton News?

I, for one, am prepared to go on record to say that I am convinced that Andrew is not a rogue.

So what does that leave?


Nightwatchman