Does my bum............

Every so often, Nightwatchman becomes overwhelmed.

It all becomes too much; the distress is caused by the Good, Bad and the Heavy of Sutton Coldfield grimly reelecting another eager crop of mouth breathers determined to look after us for another term.

The Boy Andy is, of course, the epitome of such tendencies. Turns up as the regulation plump, white, middle class, expensively educated City Boy and is clasped to the substantial bosom of local party. For ever.

Which is fair enough. He did get in. Nightwatchman is a democrat to his very core. But I do think we should all play our part in making absolutely certain that Standards are Maintained.

Sad, then, sad to say that Nightwatchman has detected just those signs of inexorable decay.

Andy has made a point, since his beatification from depths of dodgy Nottingham, of shovelling material into the grateful maw of the Sutton Coldfield weekly papers. I doubt a week has gone by that Andy’s photo has not adorned the local pages.

There is a very considerable strain involved here. Persuading constituents up and down the town to face the camera cheek by jowl with amiable publicity freak. There is some evidence that when Andy comes to Town (is it once every month?), streets are emptying. Mothers grab their infants, fathers, grim faced have taken to patrolling possible photogenic sites.

And our MP is looking increasingly desperate. He is casting further afield for likely victims (subjects).

Last week, it all started to unravel.

Not only did Andy fetch up with Friends of the Earth – a very unlikely place for a Tory MP.

But horror of horrors, the man was practically undressed. Shirt hung limply over straining waistband. Trousers could have done with a press. Collar was distinctly not of this morning. Tie was nondescript.

Tell me he wasn’t aping the Cool Dude.



Nightwatchman