It was strongly rumoured that the festive season this year was considerably enlivened by the Nativity.
The Child was born somewhere near Coles Lane in one of the rear garages in the presence of a rottweiller, a couple of cats an apologetic canvasser from the Constituency Labour Party and a guy from Erdington who was off his face.
Mother, Chardonnay (16) is originally from County Cork, and both mother and child are doing well - a statement has been released by Max Clifford who has also confirmed that the story has been bought by the Sun and will be serialised over the next week. A reality/doucumentary is scheduled to air in the autumn.
The happy couple said they intended to continue their journey southward in their clapped out mini as soon as the para medics have agreed they can go. They have reiterated their intention to register for the London Election in time to vote against Boris Johnson.
There has been a persistent story that the acting head of the Burgher Boys, rulers of a lawless province someway to the South West had evinced a strong communiqué warning that he might take out all babies within a ten mile radius of the Barton Arms just to make sure the rap forecasts were totally fulfilled. The authorities were last night discounting fears of widespread violence save a couple of domestics down to the seasonal reliance of snakebites on the Kingstanding Road. It is understood, however, that Vince and Chardonnay were taking no chances. They intended quickly to put distance between their new family and the nutcases in Aston.
Wise men are a bit thin on the ground in Sutton Coldfield in the middle of winter. Actually, they’re a bit thin on the ground most of the rest of the year as well. What turned up was a couple of councillors and the guy from Citizens Advice which used to be in the Town Hall. Well, they meant to turn up but couldn’t find Coles Lane and eventually settled for a couple of kebabs from Beeches Walk washed down with a can of Stella, a swift gill in the Jockey then away home for the ghost movie before midnight mass.
The Three Kings were a different matter altogether. They went plodding off to Sutton in Ashfield having been misled by the navigation lights at East Midlands Airport. They did manage to get a text away, however and it was agreed that they could meet up in Golders Green when the family eventually arrived. Gifts were likely to be exchanged.
Andrew Mitchell commented that this gave all the appearance of a worthwhile initiative which was likely to bring estimable benefits to the people of Sutton Coldfield in harness with the good work achieved by the incredibly busy local councillors. He was sorry he couldn’t be present at the actual birth but was enclosing an appropriate photo which featured a large bottle of champagne and a rather immodest Jesus button pinned on his ‘Bless you one and all’ tee shirt. On his next visit he would be sure to thank the para medics in person and meet with the guy from Erdington better to persuade him of the perils of over indulgence over the Xmas holidays. He hoped these glad tidings would not serve to disrupt the smooth and confident progress to a political change over the next months. And Boris was a tremendously good thing.
It will soon be 2008.
Nightwatchman
Monday 31 December 2007
Saturday 22 December 2007
Lets do festive
The time is upon us, Santa is presumably on his way, the tills are ringing.
But not as much as we’d hoped.
People of my advanced age get more frustrated every year with the scale of the hypocrisy visited upon us by the western economies.
Leave aside the increasingly forlorn attempts to inject Christian piety into this circus; leave aside the cynical manipulation of the vulnerable from late November; leave aside portentous messages from the great and the good. Concentrate instead on the total reliance of the West upon vigorous economic activity at the end of the year.
So forget Xmas, forget swaddling clothes, mangers, virgins. Forget frankinsense and myrrh. Think Gold.
We have reached the stage that the point is solely, completely and unequivocally …………getting to the shops.
Because, if you go to the shops, all will be well. All those containers shipped from China will disgorge into the stockings also shipped from China. The money pays for our warehouses and our drivers and our dustcarts eventually to take away the shrink wrap. The Bankers will get their money back; the investors can plan the next venture.
Nothing revolutionary here. Happens every year.
Yes, but.
We have introduced a new variable. All this is taking place on top of a smouldering bonfire. And the faster we shop, the more we apply oxygen to the seat of the flames.
We find ourselves burning up our common inheritance in order to satisfy the growth monster.
So when the Bali agreement wobbles on its way to the launch pad, it’s a bit more serious than enjoying the American’s bloody nose. This is actually the very last chance saloon. And its almost Time.
So, just for a moment. Get this lot into perspective. Ignore: Terrorism, banking, Spice Girls, Capello, Transport, missing CDs, Holiday Repeats...
Nothing matters as much as controlling growth. We have got to become poorer.
Happy Xmas
Nightwatchman
But not as much as we’d hoped.
People of my advanced age get more frustrated every year with the scale of the hypocrisy visited upon us by the western economies.
Leave aside the increasingly forlorn attempts to inject Christian piety into this circus; leave aside the cynical manipulation of the vulnerable from late November; leave aside portentous messages from the great and the good. Concentrate instead on the total reliance of the West upon vigorous economic activity at the end of the year.
So forget Xmas, forget swaddling clothes, mangers, virgins. Forget frankinsense and myrrh. Think Gold.
We have reached the stage that the point is solely, completely and unequivocally …………getting to the shops.
Because, if you go to the shops, all will be well. All those containers shipped from China will disgorge into the stockings also shipped from China. The money pays for our warehouses and our drivers and our dustcarts eventually to take away the shrink wrap. The Bankers will get their money back; the investors can plan the next venture.
Nothing revolutionary here. Happens every year.
Yes, but.
We have introduced a new variable. All this is taking place on top of a smouldering bonfire. And the faster we shop, the more we apply oxygen to the seat of the flames.
We find ourselves burning up our common inheritance in order to satisfy the growth monster.
So when the Bali agreement wobbles on its way to the launch pad, it’s a bit more serious than enjoying the American’s bloody nose. This is actually the very last chance saloon. And its almost Time.
So, just for a moment. Get this lot into perspective. Ignore: Terrorism, banking, Spice Girls, Capello, Transport, missing CDs, Holiday Repeats...
Nothing matters as much as controlling growth. We have got to become poorer.
Happy Xmas
Nightwatchman
Saturday 15 December 2007
Pity the Poor Councillor
Boldmere is pointing the way. Unlikely heroes, Boldmere, but they are playing a moderate hand very nicely.
Political textbooks are not common currency in Boldmere; there is no healthy competition here in political terms. Forget the word healthy. Boldmere elects Tories – end of. Tories have no need to try too hard. Let’s be honest, Tories have no great need to try at all. Tories can confine themselves with appearing to try.
But, the Neighbourhood Forum, strangely and gratifyingly, are doing it for themselves. Small groups of private people have organised, have debated, have marshalled evidence, taken pictures, held meetings. And have shamed their Councillors into doing something about Boldmere. The tectonic plates trembled.
Councillors tend not to act. Councillors make a noise. Often in inverse proportion to action.
But, and there is possibly the germ of a PHD here, the non elected volunteers have established themselves as the de facto leaders of the community. It is they who take the photos, who write the policy, it is they who care enough about the community actually to invoke change.
Councillors have a default button. It is their role to prevent change. Spending other people’s money is actually fairly attractive but the real political kudos are to be found in keeping the cost down. Reputations are forged as strong men prepared to stand their ground against the expectant hordes.
So Boldmere will need to adjust their keen anticipation or, make sure that they send a proper message. The proper message rejects the pathetic gesture offered them. Furthermore it spells out in large blocked capitals their determination to carry out the basic improvements to the fabric of Boldmere Road.
To do that they need to be focussed, to be assertive, to be patient. And they need to understand the tactics employed by the average Councillor. His best weapon is time. He is stuffed to the gills with time. And he will use that gradually to deflate expectations. He knows he will find no extra money without some extreme unpleasantness and bitter recriminations from elsewhere on the carousel.. What he dreads above all is a sustained, high profile, articulate challenge.
Ironic really. Councillors, a lot of them, go into politics to do things. Sad that they can’t. Tragic.
But the real kicker is the seamless transformation into the party hack, Look for the mute acceptance of the role of gatekeeper to the public purse.
Never mind the quality, feel the pain.
Nightwatchman
Political textbooks are not common currency in Boldmere; there is no healthy competition here in political terms. Forget the word healthy. Boldmere elects Tories – end of. Tories have no need to try too hard. Let’s be honest, Tories have no great need to try at all. Tories can confine themselves with appearing to try.
But, the Neighbourhood Forum, strangely and gratifyingly, are doing it for themselves. Small groups of private people have organised, have debated, have marshalled evidence, taken pictures, held meetings. And have shamed their Councillors into doing something about Boldmere. The tectonic plates trembled.
Councillors tend not to act. Councillors make a noise. Often in inverse proportion to action.
But, and there is possibly the germ of a PHD here, the non elected volunteers have established themselves as the de facto leaders of the community. It is they who take the photos, who write the policy, it is they who care enough about the community actually to invoke change.
Councillors have a default button. It is their role to prevent change. Spending other people’s money is actually fairly attractive but the real political kudos are to be found in keeping the cost down. Reputations are forged as strong men prepared to stand their ground against the expectant hordes.
So Boldmere will need to adjust their keen anticipation or, make sure that they send a proper message. The proper message rejects the pathetic gesture offered them. Furthermore it spells out in large blocked capitals their determination to carry out the basic improvements to the fabric of Boldmere Road.
To do that they need to be focussed, to be assertive, to be patient. And they need to understand the tactics employed by the average Councillor. His best weapon is time. He is stuffed to the gills with time. And he will use that gradually to deflate expectations. He knows he will find no extra money without some extreme unpleasantness and bitter recriminations from elsewhere on the carousel.. What he dreads above all is a sustained, high profile, articulate challenge.
Ironic really. Councillors, a lot of them, go into politics to do things. Sad that they can’t. Tragic.
But the real kicker is the seamless transformation into the party hack, Look for the mute acceptance of the role of gatekeeper to the public purse.
Never mind the quality, feel the pain.
Nightwatchman
Thursday 6 December 2007
Ya Boo
Watching Prime Ministers Questions is not an uplifting experience.
It is partly a matter of camera angles – they are limited and tend towards emphasising the gladiatorial bit. Face to Face, mano a mano, great clunking fist. Ho hum.
But then again, what of the players. Five hundred or so, largely middle class portly males, many with red faces packed into an inadequate chamber nose to nose with the enemy.
Nightwatchman caught the Wednesday edition. He was relieved to see Our Boy perched on the Front Bench. At least he was there. In fact he was more than that, he sitteth on the left hand of David Cameron. Grinning like a fool.
The main plank of David’s contribution was a prolonged rant on Des Brown, Secretary of State for Defence, holding two cabinet posts, the aforementioned and Secretary of State for Scotland. The Prime Ministers defence was predictable – please point out where and at what point, the defence of the realm had suffered from Des’s industry. Was the redoubtable Des not efficient and effective.
Now this is not the best defence Nightwatchman had ever heard, and it does seem slightly parsimonious to make do with one minister rather than create another, but the argument is at very least logical. It has a degree of bottom.
Not to young David it didn’t. He practically frothed at the mouth. Grinning fool chose meanwhile to mouth imprecations and bellow ‘Heah, heah!’ with alarming vehemence.
It is a depressing business. These are grown men trusted with the responsibility of governance. The cheering and jeering presumably apes the behaviour of the lower fourth in our more prestigious public schools. Nightwatchman regretfully must allow that this is not one of his personal experiences but he understands from reading a large selection of penny dreadfuls that this behaviour is far from uncommon thereabouts,
So lets take but a moment to think about Grinning Fool’s intellectual position here.
It is that Des Brown cannot devote sufficient time to his primary responsibility if he chooses to do something else in his working life.
No deep flowing mind bending philosophical puzzles then. Either you go with this notion or you reject it. Absolutely no opportunity to sit on the fence. Accept it or reject it.
Grinning Fool was having nothing to do with it. Grinning Fool was right behind his leader. Of course Des Brown was a bounder. How could he possibly….indescribably reckless with duties of office. Resign, quoth he.
Grinning Fool, of course, has a number of professions himself,
As follows…………….
1. Remunerated directorships
Lazard & Co., Holdings Limited.
Lazard & Co., Limited.
Lazard & Co., Services Limited.
Lazard Asia Limited.
Lazard Asia Hong Kong.
Lazard India (Private ) Limited.
Supervisory Board member of The Foundation (small specialised management consultancy).
2. Remunerated employment, office, profession etc
Senior Strategy Adviser to Accenture. (£35,001-£40,000)
……………………………………Busy lad, then.
Nightwatchman
It is partly a matter of camera angles – they are limited and tend towards emphasising the gladiatorial bit. Face to Face, mano a mano, great clunking fist. Ho hum.
But then again, what of the players. Five hundred or so, largely middle class portly males, many with red faces packed into an inadequate chamber nose to nose with the enemy.
Nightwatchman caught the Wednesday edition. He was relieved to see Our Boy perched on the Front Bench. At least he was there. In fact he was more than that, he sitteth on the left hand of David Cameron. Grinning like a fool.
The main plank of David’s contribution was a prolonged rant on Des Brown, Secretary of State for Defence, holding two cabinet posts, the aforementioned and Secretary of State for Scotland. The Prime Ministers defence was predictable – please point out where and at what point, the defence of the realm had suffered from Des’s industry. Was the redoubtable Des not efficient and effective.
Now this is not the best defence Nightwatchman had ever heard, and it does seem slightly parsimonious to make do with one minister rather than create another, but the argument is at very least logical. It has a degree of bottom.
Not to young David it didn’t. He practically frothed at the mouth. Grinning fool chose meanwhile to mouth imprecations and bellow ‘Heah, heah!’ with alarming vehemence.
It is a depressing business. These are grown men trusted with the responsibility of governance. The cheering and jeering presumably apes the behaviour of the lower fourth in our more prestigious public schools. Nightwatchman regretfully must allow that this is not one of his personal experiences but he understands from reading a large selection of penny dreadfuls that this behaviour is far from uncommon thereabouts,
So lets take but a moment to think about Grinning Fool’s intellectual position here.
It is that Des Brown cannot devote sufficient time to his primary responsibility if he chooses to do something else in his working life.
No deep flowing mind bending philosophical puzzles then. Either you go with this notion or you reject it. Absolutely no opportunity to sit on the fence. Accept it or reject it.
Grinning Fool was having nothing to do with it. Grinning Fool was right behind his leader. Of course Des Brown was a bounder. How could he possibly….indescribably reckless with duties of office. Resign, quoth he.
Grinning Fool, of course, has a number of professions himself,
As follows…………….
1. Remunerated directorships
Lazard & Co., Holdings Limited.
Lazard & Co., Limited.
Lazard & Co., Services Limited.
Lazard Asia Limited.
Lazard Asia Hong Kong.
Lazard India (Private ) Limited.
Supervisory Board member of The Foundation (small specialised management consultancy).
2. Remunerated employment, office, profession etc
Senior Strategy Adviser to Accenture. (£35,001-£40,000)
……………………………………Busy lad, then.
Nightwatchman
Saturday 1 December 2007
Because they care
Nightwatchman has been working assiduously to firm up his contacts within the local conservative party. Gentlemen,- we have our mole.
Good timing, too. Just as things get more interesting.
The news broke this very week that Roy had failed. He had tried to persuade the City Council to switch the site of the Polling Station used by Reddicap Hill in order to save the residents a three mile hike to register their vote.
But Sutton Coldfield Conservative Councillors, fearlessly led by Councillor Parkin managed to get the bid rejected.
I understand – and this is fairly confidential, - I understand that MP Andrew Mitchell was delighted at the outcome. I have it on good authority from an unimpeachable source that Andy has awarded Councillor P the highest accolade available to the Association.
Polly gets the signed photo.
The Citation read:
“To Councillor Parkin who showed extraordinary determination in refusing to support the easy decision to move the polling station. His steadfast defence of the status quo is an example to right thinking people. Especially those with motor cars. His stand against this outrageous example of socialist gerrymandering has liberated the hill dwellers from that most devastating condition..........
Confusion. "
There now can be no doubt in any mind on the Hill.
If you really, really need to vote.
Catch the bus.
As my mole left, the filler was being put together for the paper. It read ‘Andrew Mitchell added that it was people like Councillor Parkin who had made the Tory Party what it is today. Once again our hard working councillors had demonstrated just the sort of passion and commitment expected of them in the community.’
Nightwatchman.
Good timing, too. Just as things get more interesting.
The news broke this very week that Roy had failed. He had tried to persuade the City Council to switch the site of the Polling Station used by Reddicap Hill in order to save the residents a three mile hike to register their vote.
But Sutton Coldfield Conservative Councillors, fearlessly led by Councillor Parkin managed to get the bid rejected.
I understand – and this is fairly confidential, - I understand that MP Andrew Mitchell was delighted at the outcome. I have it on good authority from an unimpeachable source that Andy has awarded Councillor P the highest accolade available to the Association.
Polly gets the signed photo.
The Citation read:
“To Councillor Parkin who showed extraordinary determination in refusing to support the easy decision to move the polling station. His steadfast defence of the status quo is an example to right thinking people. Especially those with motor cars. His stand against this outrageous example of socialist gerrymandering has liberated the hill dwellers from that most devastating condition..........
Confusion. "
There now can be no doubt in any mind on the Hill.
If you really, really need to vote.
Catch the bus.
As my mole left, the filler was being put together for the paper. It read ‘Andrew Mitchell added that it was people like Councillor Parkin who had made the Tory Party what it is today. Once again our hard working councillors had demonstrated just the sort of passion and commitment expected of them in the community.’
Nightwatchman.
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