And Joy

It was strongly rumoured that the festive season this year was considerably enlivened by the Nativity.

The Child was born somewhere near Coles Lane in one of the rear garages in the presence of a rottweiller, a couple of cats an apologetic canvasser from the Constituency Labour Party and a guy from Erdington who was off his face.

Mother, Chardonnay (16) is originally from County Cork, and both mother and child are doing well - a statement has been released by Max Clifford who has also confirmed that the story has been bought by the Sun and will be serialised over the next week. A reality/doucumentary is scheduled to air in the autumn.

The happy couple said they intended to continue their journey southward in their clapped out mini as soon as the para medics have agreed they can go. They have reiterated their intention to register for the London Election in time to vote against Boris Johnson.

There has been a persistent story that the acting head of the Burgher Boys, rulers of a lawless province someway to the South West had evinced a strong communiqué warning that he might take out all babies within a ten mile radius of the Barton Arms just to make sure the rap forecasts were totally fulfilled. The authorities were last night discounting fears of widespread violence save a couple of domestics down to the seasonal reliance of snakebites on the Kingstanding Road. It is understood, however, that Vince and Chardonnay were taking no chances. They intended quickly to put distance between their new family and the nutcases in Aston.

Wise men are a bit thin on the ground in Sutton Coldfield in the middle of winter. Actually, they’re a bit thin on the ground most of the rest of the year as well. What turned up was a couple of councillors and the guy from Citizens Advice which used to be in the Town Hall. Well, they meant to turn up but couldn’t find Coles Lane and eventually settled for a couple of kebabs from Beeches Walk washed down with a can of Stella, a swift gill in the Jockey then away home for the ghost movie before midnight mass.

The Three Kings were a different matter altogether. They went plodding off to Sutton in Ashfield having been misled by the navigation lights at East Midlands Airport. They did manage to get a text away, however and it was agreed that they could meet up in Golders Green when the family eventually arrived. Gifts were likely to be exchanged.

Andrew Mitchell commented that this gave all the appearance of a worthwhile initiative which was likely to bring estimable benefits to the people of Sutton Coldfield in harness with the good work achieved by the incredibly busy local councillors. He was sorry he couldn’t be present at the actual birth but was enclosing an appropriate photo which featured a large bottle of champagne and a rather immodest Jesus button pinned on his ‘Bless you one and all’ tee shirt. On his next visit he would be sure to thank the para medics in person and meet with the guy from Erdington better to persuade him of the perils of over indulgence over the Xmas holidays. He hoped these glad tidings would not serve to disrupt the smooth and confident progress to a political change over the next months. And Boris was a tremendously good thing.

It will soon be 2008.


Nightwatchman