Fore!

The cognoscenti are abuzz this week with The Boldmere Golf Club 70th anniversary.

These things are traditionally dire.

Hapless high handicapper is saddled with the desperate chore of organising the dammed thing. He assesses likely interest – some way south of electric, imposes charge – nosebleeding, sorts out venue – on the modest side of ordinary, and books the acts.

Act booking is a science all on its own. Selection of the sad, the mad and the driven. And they all cost.

Anyway this event trundled off down the predictable lines. When large numbers of members dredge up the perspicacity to fill their diaries in mortal fear that they might be free, the heavy weight of responsibility falls upon those not so far seeing. And their spouses. Who are thereby invited. Actually they are required to come. Reluctantly. The inevitable trades probably involved shopping, pampering weekends and serious dislocation of Friday night drinking.

And on the night the menu more than lived up to expectations. Soup dinner pudding and don’t argue. Vegetarians to wait till they get home. First speaker was even worse than the 50th anniversary, still a talking point among the less generous older generation.

The comic just got it wrong. I do feel some sympathy for comics. An embattled breed. How on earth do you judge an audience 4 weeks ahead with only a function and an address to go on. I suppose the address didn’t give much away. And it was a Golf Club. But this was not light touch, gossamer nuanced witty badinage. This was more industrial. This was ten pound hammer stuff. One could see the collateral damage on the trading terms for attendance. The deals got reviewed. Spouses were minded to exact due penance.

And then. It got much worse.

Mitchell turned up. Late. Allegedly with photographer. And proceeded to excuse himself on the grounds that Gordon Brown had mucked up the transport industry. David Cameron is not wonderful at humour. But this was horrible. Toes did not uncurl for a very long time.

They watched the Birdie. And then he went home.

Applications for membership of Pype Hayes Golf Club can be obtained from the Hon Sec, Eachelhurst Rd.


Nightwatchman